Kino - the art of masculine and feminine physical escalation

Q: Women don't seem to initiate kino. When do I know is the right time to Kino, and how much? When do I know I'm on the right track?

A: It's not that a woman won't initiate, it's just that normally it's done whenthey are at a high point of interest or attraction. EG you bust her balls onsomething short circuiting her emotions, and to release sexual tension sheplayfully punches you or laughs. In the way I know a woman who touches me isinterested, a woman will know in the back of her mind you are interestedwhen you touch her. This is one of the reasons I avoid random kino and tryto find organic points of escalation. Moreover I don't do it at EVERY opportunity or it may look obvious. These are some of the reasons why guyssay they do kino as a "reward". She's done something good, and you rewardher with kino, a mild form of interest.

In regards to the right track, kino is but one of many ways to tell. Payattention to all the signs of interest, particularily the big ones. Onething I've learned is if I'm receiving none I need to change what I'm doingand probably go back a step because she's not biting. For example, I mightup my attraction. Or maybe I'm paying her too much interest so I'll run AD.Etc..

Putting away magic spells and embed value from true stories in your life...

This isn’t exactly a new concept, but when I'm telling certain stories about myself I’ll notice those familiar reactions from girls. Maybe she'll hook super hard, be inquisitive, and dig for more info. Or maybe it fuels attraction, she'll twirl her hair and ask me questions. Maybe she’ll pre-qualify me. Or if I tell a shitty one she won’t care, or in a distinctly trying to be polite but you can tell she's disinterested way will say "cool". In which case it was a wasted opportunity to advance her interest in me.

This gave me the idea to start field testing some of these and come up with personalized “routines” if you will. Now anyone that knows me knows I don’t do a bunch of fake routines. Fact is I’m just too ADD to remember them all, oh and I think they are lame. But none the less it’s always useful to have a couple things in your side pocket… MacGuyver always rolled out with Duct tape (or managed to find it), and you should too.

I’ve heard other pickup artists telling bad stories about car chases or their fictitious model ex girlfriend. Here’s what they don’t realize: We all lead interesting lives. All of us have stories to tell. Why lie? Be yourself. This is actually a larger challenge then it seems, because to do this you have to recognize that YES, there is value in your life and you must also be able to know yourself. Not many people truly know themselves.

Moreover, telling these stories at the appropriate time is also of note. You don’t necessarily just open and go into something which has no bearing on vibe of the conversation. What I like to do is tell these stories based on subjects or key words. If someone brings up tall girls, I have a pre-selection story involving tall girls. This is kind of like seeding a DHV story, in the way you might seed a date with a girl for when you close her. I'm trying to add more of these keyword DHV stories as I think of them.

Some of the ones I’ve been playing with…

-A true story of how I was laid off of my job of 7 years, had serious frame cracking issues but managed to get through it. A 9 commented that my story was the true test of a “strong, humble man” and that we should “definitely hang out” (basically pre-qualifying me)…

-A true story of how my nose was head-butted by a girl and nearly broken, which seems to hook girls really hard if they have any mild interest in me, also involves pre-selection and activates “nurse mode” where the girl is worried about or wants to care for you.

-A true story how someone close to me had a psycho ex boyfriend and I came to her aid to show protector of loved ones.

-A true story of being called into work for an emergency situation just as a “friend” arrived to take me out to dinner and she hung out til I got back for pre-selection and leader of men.

(etc)

My challenge to you is to look through your life for stories of value. Pick 3 which demonstrate known attraction switches that you could tell quickly if necessary, or could expand upon if you want to. Practice working them into conversations when topics of relevance come up. Also, find ways to seed topics of relevance. ;) When you craft these, be mindful of subtle hidden low value tidbits and simply reframe them if they are integral to the story (plus- lying is lame). After a few of these, your storytelling will improve and you won’t have to worry about remember a bunch of garbage routines because it’s YOUR LIFE you’re talking about.

Chupa

Hunter... or Hunted?

I rarely peacock these days, but I rolled out last weekend wearing my magical fuzzy vest, found in an obscure vintage shop. What started out as an obscenely garish piece of clothing purchased for one of our fun themed 70s night parties has been put into the ensemble rotation for its unique ability to throw seven types of smoke…

We arrived at our 2nd home (Stingaree), I was out with Diesel, Red, Voyager, and 2 buddies from high school. Who I must say did pretty damn good that night and held their own for just starting to go out again. One of them was one of those unsuspecting naturals who just totally flies under the radar but you have to dig. He’s short, non muscular, but a good lookin’ (not hot) guy. I remember laughing at his prowess years back when I found out he was selling a car and pulled a girl all the way from San Francisco who was interested in buying it. She bought it, then he ended up marrying her and they had 2 children. He got her money, the girl… and his car back. LOL. Man I love that guy.

I was hanging with my HS buddies shooting the shit, pointing out some girls one of them could open when I observed Diesel open a mixed group of 8s+ with some chodes. Eventually Red and Voyager were pulled in and they hung out a while. I stayed hanging out with my boys having fun since I had not seen them in forever! Yeah, being an adult sucks...

A while later this cute 6’2 8.5+ bleached blonde approached and opened me by feeling up my fuzzy vest to which I replied something the effect of “Hey now…. Do you always grab things you see that you like without asking?”; Some fun double entendres in there. We talked for a little while and she kind of merged me into her group, with this other tall and really cute girl who was also interested in the vest. She asked what kind of fur it was and then joked she was a “Muscrat fur dealer”. The taller blonde girl eventually faded into the background and left and we continued to talk. One of the groups’ chode friends walked up to Muscrat girl and I and then just uncomfortably stood there. I was now faced with a decision: acknowledge and bring him in “Hey, introduce me to your friend”, or since he had not been brought in to find a way to not need to involve him in the interaction. I don’t AMOG, I have never found a reason to AMOG. There are ways to handle things without resorting to dark jedi powers and bringing negativity to a situation, even if the subject of said negativity does not realize it’s going on. Instead, inch by inch I began repositioning myself shuffling out and to the side of her every few moments, holding her attention, and her body turned away from him. Soon she was facing me, he was behind her, and we were in isolation. At one point Diesel noticed this was going on and went over to talk to the guy for a few moments which was cool as well. I think right about the time that Diesel bowed at me I realized he’d come over to social proof me and in my semi inebriated state I had plowed right through his attempt. LOL, oopsie. I’m sure he’ll make fun of me later when he reads this.

Those that know me realize I have the unfortunate knack for finding the hot, out of town girls. Don’t ask me how I do it, but yes she was from out of town. Again. I wasn't really looking for another out of town girl, especially since I have met so many. I was disqualifying her, “It’s too bad you’re from out of town because you seem like you might be kind of fun to hang out with”. She lets me know that she makes regular trips to SD so I decided to close her. I stayed in talking for a while later, she was fun and feisty from what I remember. At the end of our convo she had asked me to call her twice.

I later opened a group of girls who would turn out to be friends of one of Diesel’s ex’s. They recognized me, I’m not sure from where- never met them. Myspace perhaps? After 15 minutes I realized this girl was not even close to my type, so when her friend wanted to get some of those Napkin nights pictures when the guy came by I took the opportunity conveniently get lost.

The next morning, Muscrat girl texted me on her drive back home. I replied once, she replied, I replied, and then I didn’t hear from her. Non-reactive: driving while texting is unsafe. I’ll get back to her. Two days later I re-opened, ran her through some compliance hoops, and gave her my e-mail address as a reward with the promise that if she sent me some pictures I would return some of my own as she doesn’t have a social networking profile. In text she said she had a proposition for me. I practically giggled considering the possible replies; she had totally set herself up for a smart ass reply, “You think just because you’re super fun and kind of cute you can proposition me so soon? Just what kinda boy do you think I am anyway? ;)”. To which she replied “Kinda cute? I’m 5’9, 130, (list of accomplishments), I’m a big deal Chupa :)”. We have talked and she is very cool. We’re making plans to hang next time she’s in town.

The funny part of this is that yesterday she told me she'd sent her blonde friend over to me. HEY! Those are the type of tactics we use! Sneaky girl.. I'm digging her already. That night, I was not the hunter... I was the hunted.

Chupa

Girls who love to have text in public

Attention Precedes Attraction



If you open a girl when she's texting, or she starts texting afteryou're talking to her, you don't have her attention yet. You must have attention before you can attract her. This can be applied many ways. It is commonly advised openers should start with a solid confident loud "HEY….blah blah" for a reason.


You must be more interesting then whatever is going on in the text. Avoid non-reactiveness and being offended as if she owes you something. You just met her. Keep in mind that it could be an emergency or family situation. Re-open later. But nearby to perk her interest you could get her attention by being the life ofthe party, opening her friends or other girls near, etc.

When I'm out and see random girls texting, I'll come up with things like…


1. (with a puzzled look on your face) "Wait - you're texting while you're in this really fun place…" (pause, tension) "hasn't anyone had anything interesting to say to you tonight?"She may qualify about why she's texting, nobody talking to her, ornobody having anything interesting to say, and you can vibe after.


2. "Is his ass late again?" (pause, tension, smile, 2nd part w/ alittle higher energy) "He better get here soon before you start having all the fun without him!"This gives her a subtle suggestion, and you can high 5 her because she will most likely agree. Then vibe after.


Popular girls get texts all the time from girlfriends, chode orbiters, etc. One model I dated would get texts constantly so I would grab her phone, turn it off, and turn mine off. Only do this if she has no kid. A girl texting/taking calls on a date w/you is rude when it is not an emergency situation. Handle itappropriately (frame control, open and attract hot girls near her, wander off, etc).


Day Game


At night, she is drunk, ADD, lots of things going on so your involvement will be 90/10. And in the day yes it should be closer to 50/50. If she's not contributing she's not interested yet; you failed to get attention, attraction. Give her pauses where you expect her to say something. Vibe off things she says. But do keep stuff in your back pocket to talk about. I'll simply go through gossip and news columns and always have 2-3interesting things to talk about at all times.

~C

6 Things I bring every time I go out

Question: When you travel or camp, do you just drive to the airport or do you prepare what you need for the trip?

Answer: Most people would prepare.

Here are 6 things I take in the field with me every time I go out.

1. Stories. I spend 10-15 minutes going through news & gossip so I have things in my back pocket to talk about should she be retarded and unable to hold a conversation.
2. A lighter. I don't smoke, but you can be social and light others up. "Here, a lady should never light her own cigarette". Then walk away. Reopen later. She'll remember. Smoke pits are great isolation areas.
3. Cash. Guys who have a single 20 in their pocket are retarded. What if you go home to her place or need to send her home in a cab? What if you need to bribe a bouncer? Bring money. We recommend a minimum of 60 dollars to visit the Gaslamp, even if you spend much less.
4. Gum or mints. Magically I never have bad breath, but again its a little social thing to offer to someone.
5. Camera. To take a couple fun pictures and e-mail to her to put her back into state of the fun she was having the time you met. Also if you meet 20 hot women on a Vegas trip like me, to time stamp each picture so you can go back through your call log when you met and called her and tie a picture to a phone number.
6. Condom. Self explanatory. If you're going out to nightclubs without one, why bother? Nightclubs are for getting laid. Day game is to meet someone of quality. Bring a condom, stupid.

Soft Closes

Where did ch00pa go?! I'm here... I've mostly been posting on our new forums now and then.

Today we're gonna talk about soft closes. Soft closes are where there is either not enough comfort for her to remember, or attraction for her to desire you. This could be because you fucked up, perhaps you didn't have enough time, or she was simply under the effect of way too much alchohol.

These are all valid reasons to bring up the 11pm rule. If you meet a girl before a certain time (we'll say 11pm), she'll be more open to impression. You were the guy that made the awesome impression early. After that, she got drunk or got hit on by a dozen hungry wolves. Memorable? Uhh, not so much.

Whatever the reason, how I handle soft closes is utilize a combination of Myspace/Facebook, Text, and phone game. I try to get both cell phone and Myspace or Facebook (I prefer Myspace because its easier to DHV). We will take a picture. I tell her I will text her later for her email address to mail her the picture. Close the #. Follow up and get Myspace. Most girls have Myspace or Facebook. Rarely they do not. Now we have each others Myspaces, she has the picture of you two having fun putting her back in state for the evening, she can see the DHVs on your page. She can see you are a popular guy and sexworthy. For all intents and purposes it is starting over, but its starting over "warm" (or even hot).

The Dreaded "What do you do?" question

So you're having a great time talking to a woman and she's getting interested enough in you she wants to know more. All of a sudden she asks what you do. Maybe your job isn't so glamorous, and while it's a job it's just not... who you really are. I'm not going to go down every rabbit hole because there's more then one way to skin a pussycat, but for the most part initially you can come back with something funny. Some examples I've heard have included stripper, professional bellybutton model, pro thumb wrestler, etc. Seriously though, just make up your own; don't use lame stock replies. In this phase of meeting her, it's OK to joke, or "lie".

But at some point if you keep it up too long she'll say "No, really what do you do?".

Generally at this time, you'll want to actually answer the question or risk her getting bored because you didn't invest enough in her. Note, this can happen with any question - not just your job - so learn to recognize this point when it occurs.

For guys without glamorous/flashy jobs and don't want to tell her you're a super duper computer geek commander supreme, you can tie it to an emotion or feeling that the woman can relate to. This is where your listening skills come in. What would be one of the worst jobs you could admit to an attractive woman you have?

Okay, If you picked up dog sh*t from lawns for a living, that's pretty bad right? To outline this nightmare of a profession, you could say: You've always loved the outdoors, and animals (most women can relate to this) so you got into Outdoor Management when (tell a story how you got into it). And you go home every day FEELING great because you help protect the environment, animals, and help people have a good time". She may reply "Oh wow..... I FEEL that way about my job too", and begin sharing about her work. Even though the two of you work completely different fields, it feels like you have a shared experience and rapport.

Here's another level of complexity. Listen carefully to the language she uses and use it to create your emotional connection when you weave your story. 3 Ways to express a similar idea using principles of NLP:

• It SOUNDS like you have a great idea (audio).
• I can SEE your POINT (visual) .
• I FEEL you're on to something (kinoesthetic).

Using similar language (audio/visual/kino) will help build rapport faster because your brains are "speakin' the same language".

I don't condone lying to a woman. You've told the truth. You do love the outdoors, animals, and feel great because you protect the environment. She just doesn't need to know in the first 2 minutes you meet her that you pick up dog turds, even if you make good money at it. You can get to that later, after you guys start getting to know each other on a more personal level. This is what is referred to as "framing"; the contents of the picture are sometimes not as important as the frame around it.

RHT Forums Online

Wanted to quickly announce the Rabbit Hole Transformations Forums are now online! Check them out; I'll be posting quite a bit of stuff there.

http://rht.makeforum.org/

Cosmic shit tests

Lately, the cosmos itself has been throwing shit tests at me in all forms. I can’t really say much about them, but some of them have been big, and some small. Shit tests from the universe are all part of life, and being a man. A couple years ago before I began my journey, I felt really unstable as a person. The picture I could paint now of who I am is a very different story. Even so, my growth continues.

A lot of guys in the community are impressed by SNPs, club make outs, and shock & awe type tactics. Congratulations, you got your dick wet for the umpteenth time. But to me, some of the most important things I’ve gained since joining the community have been confidence, self-validation, direction, and learning to be not so reactive to life in general. These are things that become part of your character, the rewards of which can spill over into other areas of your life. If there is one thing I could convey to my readers it would be the importance of these intangible qualities.

"Remind me what a hot sexy guy is like"

One time I met this cute new San Diego transplant online, and we’re vibing well. I’m at the point where I decide I’ll meet her, so I call her one day when I’m on the way to go surfing. She doesn’t answer, so I left her a silly message. She texts back the following…

Her: Sorry for not answering, but I didn’t know what to say… another guy got to me first and we’re exclusive now.

At this point, I’m stunned. This girl has been in San Diego literally a month, and is already in an exclusive? You’ve gotta be kidding me. Either her or the guy or the both of them are incredibly needy. I decided to do a little boyfriend destroying and subcommunicate that was a little weird.

Chupa: Wow really, so quick? Well I’m sure he’s probably a great guy and it’ll turn out fine! Hey, I’m about to hop in the water and get wet but we’ll talk soon!

Her: Yeah we’ll see how it goes! But if it doesn’t work out you’ll be the first one I call :) Have fun getting wet!

She sent me a 2nd message but I don’t remember what it was. Then I put her on my freezout list and had no communication. Two weeks later, I received a text from her…

Her: Hey! Here’s a laugh 4 u… “exclusive” relationship is no more. He was creepy needy! Will u take me out sometime and remind me what a hot sexy guy is like? ;)

So why am I writing about a simple text interaction, when I haven’t even met this girl yet? I know some of you out there are still impressed by club make outs and single night lays, but I prefer to convey useful information instead of just brag how cool or successful I am. I’m making a point about the power of abundance mentality, confidence, non-reactiveness, and total utter lack of neediness when it comes to women.

If I’d acted butt hurt (a beta quality), I’d have been blown out. If I’d ignored her without acknowledging what she said, it would have seemed childish and would have betrayed my thoughts as butt hurt. But by responding in a confident, cool and neutral way, she had to wonder about me. And wonder she did; from the tone of this message it sounds like she’s been thinking of me the entire time, and has built me up in her head as a “hot, sexy guy.”. Am I really hot and sexy? I'm like 20 pounds overweight and 10 years older then her. The hot and sexy part she sees is the confidence in me. That's another story. ;) By the way... my reply to her?

Chupa: There you are... I wondered when you were going to wise up. ;)

Sticking by your guns

[Confidence and sticking by your guns]

In my social circle, there is this friend of mine I’ve known for a while. I’ve never been interested in her as a date because while cute as a button, and despite we share passion for a few commonalities, she’s just plain annoying sometimes! She kind of likes to nag, isn’t appreciative of things people do for her, and has weird ideas about social behavior, hierarchy, etc. Kind of like a retarded Larry David, but with a great rack. Would you be attracted to Larry David, even if he had a great rack? No… I don’t think so!!

Anyway, a group of us went on a trip she was throwing out all sorts of retarded frames about stilly crap the _entire_ time. I think she got into arguments with just about everyone that weekend. I was totally annoyed by her behavior, so I just basically let her know I wasn’t going to stand for it by drawing a line and sticking to my guns. Every frame she’d throw out, I’d override with mine. You might even say I was “mean” to her. It wasn’t intentional, she’s my friend and I love her, but she was being incredibly annoying! She ended up seeking rapport with me coming to find me each time and giving me a hug, for validation.

Then after the trip, something funny happened. I began receiving more texts and calls from her, as well as inquiries to hang out. Lots more, on the order of 4-5x more frequent. We became closer friends. I could tell she was attracted, but I was not going to lead the interaction beyond that.

Women respect, and are attracted to guys with the confidence to stand by your guns. Be that guy. (NLPing you) :p

-Chupa

Observational Openers

Lately I’ve been experimenting more and more with David Wygant-isms (with our own twist, of course). Specifically, I’m talking about observational openers. Diesel has been saying the 3 second rule is dead to him, and I always saw it as a crutch for guys who had so much AA they needed a rule just to get out of their head and open. Following the 3 second rule, they have no time to think, fear, or build reasons why they shouldn’t open. But the 3 second rule is the enemy of the observational opener, which is a huge tool in your repertoire.

I’m going to recommend you try something that goes against certain seduction material. The next time you’re out with your FRIENDS (Pet Peeve: Guys who call their friends ‘wing’. I’m sorry, if you hang out with the same dudes over a long period of time, get to know him, tell him your innermost secrets like what kind of woman you desire, you’re FRIENDS.) you should be talking, laughing, and having a good time with them. Every now and then, take a quick glance and OBSERVE your target, then go back to having fun with your friend. The idea using this method that Diesel developed is to avoid being a vulture. Open based on what you observe.

As you’re observing, notice what she’s doing. Is she sitting? Standing? Blowing guys out? Doing something socially awkward? Do her and her friends all have the same color hair? Here are some of the GREAT observational openers guys in Red Pill have been coming up with lately… sheeit I’ve heard so many great ones in the last 2 weeks since we went on an observational opener-a-thon, I don’t even remember them…

Said to random girls standing at ledge of Stingaree roof:

-You’re going to have to stop spitting, we’re getting complaints. (credit: Corbs)

-Don’t jump; you’re the life of the party it’s not worth it! (credit: my LTR)

Said to girls all wearing red dresses:

-Hey, you’re all wearing………..

>We know, we’re all wearing red.

-I was going to say black, but thanks for pointing out I was colorblind… (credit: Diesel)

Said to girls at Stingaree firepit when the flames suddenly shot really high near a girl:

-Watch your hair over there, Aquanet! (credit: Chupacabra)(she proceeded to eye fuck me for the rest of the night..)

Anyway, the idea is not to give you a bunch of scripted bullshit “lines” to use; it’s to get you used to seeing where you can go by stopping and observing. Trade off with a buddy if you need to, have him observe and then give you the opener. This has been working real well for the Red Pill dudes who have been working in pairs or trios lately.

By the way, there’s only 11 tickets left for the David Wygant seminar on this Thursday and then all 50 seats will be sold out. If you already have yours I’ll be emailing some further details soon to your registered addresses. If you don’t, see link below to get yours before it’s gone…

http://redpill.eventbrite.com/

See you there,

Chupa

Thurs, March 20 2008 - David Wygant comes to San Diego

Hey all,

Some of you know David Wygant as the only guy to get a standing ovation at the "2007 PUA awards" in Hollywood last year. Some of you know him as the inspiration behind the movie Hitch.

I know him as a guy that when I heard him, "he just made sense". David has a natural style of game that I feel can be easily incorporated into whatever it is you normally use.

One of his best pieces of advice he gives freely is to just be social with everyone, all the time. Avoid talking to just the hotties - talk to the dudes, the grandmas in the grocery stores. People will begin to notice you as that outgoing guy, and may even set you up. Or you'll simply see them later. This is especially great at places that you frequent like your coffee house, etc. Make friends with the hired help so you can be chatting them up and turn around to talk to that cutie in the line. Another benefit is the theory of warm up sets.... I dislike that Dungeons & Dragons terminology, but the idea is sound: Talk to people first to get "socially lubed". Well, if you're talking to everyone all the time.. you're already socially lubed!

David is a co-ed dating coach and works with men and women. Both genders are invited to this event.

David will be coming to San Diego on March 20, 2007 and will be going on stage around 7.

To register and reserve your seat, visit this link:

http://redpill.eventbrite.com

Building your own social proof

Here's something I did for fun back in June/July 07 which lead to me meeting an extremely attractive woman. One of the bouncers also took notice, and gave us good treatment on further visits...

Diesel and I were out at Confidential one night... I don't smoke (hate it), but I posted up in the smoke pit because I'm half deaf and its the only place you can hear yourself think. I seem to be a regular in smoke pits and rooftop bars because of this fact. Anyway, the smoke patio had 4-5 people on it, and nobody was talking. They were just sheepishly standing around ignoring each other, like they were in an elevator.

I turned to a couple people and said "We're all standing here not talking to each other..... what are we, pretending like we're in an elevator?". This broke the ice because its funny, and true. Rather then asking for their names, I simply offered my own; "Hey, I'm Chupacabra". You're not trying to get anything out of them, so most people will give theirs in return. I then walked over to some people within earshot of our conversation who had been watching me and said "Hey guys, these are my new friends friend1 and friend2. And I'm Chupacabra.", then I'd let them mingle between themselves and walked away.

Pretty soon I had the whole patio introduced to each other and everyone's talking to and re-opening me. Then as soon as someone would come out to the patio for a smoke I'd say something to the effect of "Hey new patio person, we all know each other out here so come join and have fun! I'm Chupacabra....". One by one they filtered in, pretty soon the whole patio was social proofing me. The bouncer asked me if I was "a motivational speaker", and ended up hanging out with us or offering us perks when we would show up on other nights. It pays to know the help..

Thats when the fun got started, and all the new friends I'd made began paying off. I began meeting many attractive women (some of who competed for my attention), and one in particular (on the left) noticed the 'buzz' about me and came over to investigate. I ended up dating her, but that's another story...

(I gave us all this ingenious disguise)

David Wygant coming to San Diego..

Hey guys, real quick then I have to get back to cleaning my place.. :p

I just got off the phone with David Wygant (the guy who inspired Will Smith's character in the movie 'Hitch'), and he mentioned he's interested in coming to San Diego.

I saw David at the first annual PUA awards and was really impressed with him. He's got a great, natural style that can pretty much be adapted into any game. If you're within a few hours driving distance of San Diego, I really urge you to come meet him.

David will be be offering an hour or two lecture for free, and then offer a bootcamp at the end.

I'm working on putting together a venue and details with him. Real quick, I need to know who all is interested in coming to see him.

More info on David can be found at: http://www.davidwygant.com/

E-mail me at chupacabrasd@gmail.com so I can keep you in the loop.

Thanks,

Chupa

Regarding negging...

You absolutely don't have to neg - (pay attention to this next statement) - if you're high enough value.

What’s this, Uncle Chupacabra? But there are girls you can only talk to if you neg them several times!

Here’s how it works. Using people at the high end of the social value spectrum as example, does Donald Trump have to neg? Do movie stars? Do rock stars? Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch? :p The answer is no they don't, because they are that high in value that women fantasize about being with them.

Now, many of us are not likely to be as high in initial value as one of them but you can still be a high value person in your own unique way. Those people I mentioned are fantasies for women; you're real, and you can give her the emotional ride she craves.

I've never liked negs. First, without careful calibration they can easily come off as insults. Even a mild neg which most women respond to in a way you’d want could be responded to negatively if a girl is LSE, in a bad mood, fucked in the head, or any of her friends around her are any of this! How many times have you been with a really cool woman and you'll neg her because some silly ebook told you to, and she loses interest? Second, they just aren't the type of thing an intrinsically high value person would do. Think about it- you're trying to lower her value so yours will be greater. That smacks of someone who is admitting they're lower value to begin with. Are you such a low value person you have to go after someone for.. their looks? Lame.

Now when you're starting out, you may not have the confidence, value, and calibration to pull this off without negs, but you will obtain it eventually. By all means, do go cocky funny or bust on her if she does something socially awkward, like spilling her drink, or having wet hands from the bathroom, saying something silly, tries to pimp her Dopamine drink samples at the club, or any other number of things she might do. I met one of the most gorgeous women I’ve dated – a model - and never used a single neg. I’ll re-post the FR/LR, if I can find it..

Reader E-Mail: Online Profiles

I received this great question from a friend who is interested in getting into online dating a little more:

"Chupa,

I could use some assistance in putting together an online
profile for the dating sites. What ideas would you
have?

Online Dating Guy"

Dear Online Dating Guy,

I've been working on figuring that out for years.. its not easy and one size definitely does not fit all! Obviously you want to convey value without appearing try-hard. On dating sites most un-fucked in the head women are looking for "The One" (although you will come to find out some are seeking attention to tool guys, among other things). Unless you're intentionally filtering, you want to avoid having things in your profile that will get you 86'd before you've even had a chance to speak with a woman. For example I’m [x] years old so whenever possible I set my age to 100 so younger women don’t “filter” me out based on something irrevolent like age. If they get to know me, then I tell them I’m [x] they won’t give a shit. But being online is akin to being in a store window when someone is shopping. They’re going to compare criteria and not get to know what is actually going on inside. Isn’t that what we men do when we look at women’s profiles? She’s fat, next! Or, Wow she’s got a great face, nice tits and ass.. I’d hit that! Same thing, and for all we know that girl who was "almost as attractive" might have had a “10” in personality and been a long term prospect as opposed to the girl with the hot bod you took home. I don't know about you, but I'd rather make a connection with someone real who was "attractive enough" over a mildless lay, which is roughly one step removed from jerking off.

What are your goals of being online? Are they to fuck lots of attractive women? Use a broad net to scan for physical attraction and “enough” chemistry. Are you looking for someone to date, or a possible relationship? Narrow the net. Are you looking for marriage? Be much more specific in your criteria and what you convey. Yes of course we all want to find women to enrich our lives, but knowing who you are and having goals also is very important.

Great photographs can not be understated. Ones of you doing things you love: At work Cooking, Dressed up for a business meeting, hanging with friends (especially attractive women here and there), maybe one of you with your child, stuff like that. They should convey your life and the type of person you are. Mine show me surfing, singing, hanging out with friends, cooking, etc. They show me dressed up and also dressed down. They show me laughing, smiling, and having a good time. They show me as a fun, outgoing, positive person who women adore.

Talk about yourself but calibrate to your target and be congruent. Example, some yahoo on the Attraction forums talked about how GREAT his profile was at attracting women so I did one similar to him to see, and it actually ended up getting me blown out with a few women! In fact I received practically no responses for the duration of that profile change. Why?.. because it came off very immature (it was a 24 YR old’s profile) and incongruent with my personality; I'm an older guy. I've since made a few minor changes and had MUCH greater luck. I've also tried to follow Style's online profile guide with stuff like "I'm a total jerk" as your profile headline and other things. That shit never works for me. Being myself - my cool ass self - works much better. I think that crap is for guys who can't be or don't know themselves so they need to put up a front. If you do choose the “front” method just realize at some point you’re going to need to show her yourself anyway, so you’re just holding off what will eventually need to be done – if you want to keep her.

I constantly revise profiles based on if it appears I'm getting good results or not. If something doesn't seem to be working, I'll change it up. That being said, even though I convey tons of value, personality, and social proof I rarely seem to get women initiating messages to me (although it does happen). But if I calibrate my messages correctly I get good solid responses back. That is just my own reality. I know other guys get opened, and it’s a minor sticking point I’m working on.

The last point I would try to make for now and this may seem counter intuitive, but try to write your profile up when you're "in state". I've written some incredible things while in state. It's amazing what can be conveyed electronically.. you'd be suprised. I've sent text messages while in-state and had 40 people message me back. How can they tell? It's a mystery, but its true. If you aren't in state, at least write it after you've had a great day. And then when you realize you're in state at a later time, go back and revise.

Chupa

You don't need to be the best..... to be the best

There are many ways to attract women. Being in shape is one of them.

• So is leading an interesting life.
• So is being a really fun guy.
• So is being good at fashion, or style.
• So is being able to cook, or fix a fucked up light socket.
• So is being able to fix her car.
• So is having guys look to you for leadership.
• So is having confidence and inner game.
• So is being a traveler.
• So is having a big red pencil.
• So is having good outer game.
• So is being good with children, or animals.
• So is being non-reactive.
• So is being good to your mom.
• So is having attractive women in your life.
• So is having incredible friends.
• So is being able to make decisions.
• So is....................

One trap of many community dogmas is they are one trick ponies. Be flexible! If you're 98% work out dude, but you blow goats in other areas.. overall you blow goats. Now if you're 65% work out dude, 95% good to your mom dude, 85% big red pencil dude, 75% etc then women will go wowzas over you.

You don't need to be the best......... to be the best.

Revisions - and today's thought

One thing I like about this blog is instead of posting it to a list where it will remain static, it allows me to go back and revise as I further process situations. I'm going to start adding updated dates on the titles so you can check back to see if there were changes you'd be interested in re-reading.

I once told a good friend the opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. When someone hates, argues, keys your car, stalks you, boils your bunny, or tries to Bobbit your wiener, believe it or not they still care because they are angry about the state of things. When someone is non-responsive, they have nothing to say to you and could not care of any outcome. This is actually worse then hate. Love and hate are "towards" emotions - you feel something for someone, whatever it may be. Indifference means you feel nothing. Are there hotties in your life that won't return your calls, emails, or texts to save your life? You've lost value in their lives.

On a side note, I recently nexted an 8 (with the body of a 9..) because although attractive, she's just not what I'm looking for in a woman. I realize now she's lost a lot of value in my life. I'm not angry at her or upset, she's just not for me right now. I felt no need to update her of her new status; I'm feeling indifference.

Chupa

Chill out, Mr Freeze....

Today I went through my cell phone and realized I wanted an easy system to sort women I’ve met out, so I categorized them. They're either in the (R)otation, or on (F)reeze out. Girls in Rotation are showing signs of attraction and throwing IOIs and can be contacted as long as they're compliant. Girls in Freeze out might be severely noncompliant, throw out IODs, or any other number of things. Learn to recognize the signs ahead of time. More on that later..

Many guys would just say “fuck it, its easier to go meet a new girl”. And in some ways, yup it can be. But that’s also the lazy mans solution. Fuck yo' couch playa, buy another one you rich motherfucker! You gonna keep giving up and buying new couches your entire life or are you going to learn how to handle one properly so it doesn’t fuck up in the first place? I believe that unless a woman has no place in your life because she has blown HER value out with you (or your phone is out of memory!), deleting them can be just plain reactive.

Girls on Freeze out can be tricky. A girl on FO is, for some reason no longer in your life. For whatever reason, she's not responding the way you'd like her to, so you're leaving her to wonder where you went for a while. The time of freezeout can vary with the situation. Mini freezeouts are different from long term ones. I'm a big believer of space in a relationship so I have mini-freezeouts with girls all the time even though they're still in the rotation. Give them the gift of missing you, it’s healthy.

Let me tell you a story about a girl I was dating. We had plans to meet one day and at the last minute she called me. You get a spidey-sense for these things after a while, but my gut told me to let the call go to voicemail. She left a really transparent excuse and was obviously flaking after I'd given up possible plans with different friends, so what did I do? I picked up the phone, and called another girl I hadn’t seen in a month. We went on a date, and had a great time. Back to the first girl, since I didn’t validate her with a response she ended up going into chase mode and sent me a total of 2 calls and 2 texts that day. I let her wonder for a while, and a day or two later I called her and we set up another meeting. She showed up, and we had a great time and she was in chase mode with me for weeks. Like I said.. give her the gift of missing you, it’s healthy.

Long term freezeouts can vary from weeks, to months, to years. A phrase you should ingrain to your being is, "They always come back". With a stipulation - that you haven't completely blown your value out with them! If you still have value, at some point in your future - it may be 2 months, it may be 2 years, or 2 decades.. she will come poking around to see if your shit still stinks or if you're a flower she'd still like to pick. This is an entire animal unto its own, and I'll be detailing it in a seperate blog.

The idea of “they always come back” should help your non-reactiveness. Just because someone leaves your life doesn’t mean they’ll be gone forever. Life is like the Ocean, with tides and cycles that come and go. Sometimes it’s healthy to let go. If a woman is IODing the living fuck out of you, be the one to make the decision to put some space between you! Men make decisions. Victims have them made for them..

This is where Freezeout comes in; you can think of it as a value life preserver. For whatever reason, what you were doing isn't working any more - and may be making things worse. By giving them space, almost as if by magic - whatever negative attraction/comfort progression you were on before will be lifted and both of you will be given a second chance!

You meet a girl, its hot and heavy for a while and suddenly she won't return your calls/texts, won't invest, and does other noncompliant things? Give her some space! It doesn't have to be forever, but trust me, come Christmas or Valentines day if she doesn't have a man, and you stoked her fire the most out of other guys she's met - you'll be receiving a text from her.

Ever see couples fight and end badly? Yet somehow, they invariably contact each other down the line? "Hey, its been so long! Good to hear from you!!". And although AFCs would chump this up, should you desire it this is actually an opportunity to re-open, thanks to FO. Maybe it'll go nowhere; maybe she'll be your FB; maybe you'll get back together for a while. Maybe you'll decide that although she was interesting when you met her, she has no place in your life any more because you've grown. And believe me, this last one is a wonderful thing to have.

Chupacabra

State of the Union

I once posted a one line blurb to the San Diego list claiming that "state is the biggest peacock you can have". It also happens to be one of the biggest attraction mechanisms! If you're having fun, people want to be part of your world. Why is it then that so little attention in the community is is given to state and so much focus is given to things that matter less, like outer game? Does it really matter what you say to a girl when you are "on"? To some tiny degree, but haha no not really! We’ve all experienced those nights out, or days at our job when no matter what we said it was on like Donkey Kong. You’re in state, baby.

What is state? Being in state is a frame of mind. It's invisible, yet can be seen by all! When you're in state, groups you talk to fly open. You are the funniest most awesome and interesting person they've met all night or in quite some time. You will lead and people will follow without you even trying! People will move out of your way and give you room as you walk down the street. Male and female alike will be attracted to you. Females will want to get with you; males may see you as their leader or friend.

Whenever I've been in state, I've had HUGE successes and accomplished things I wouldn't have been able to normally pull off. In my past, I might have one "on" night to several "off" nights. But recently I realized I'd been in state for 2 weeks straight! I can't tell you how to be in state but I can tell you some factors I believe help:

* Living a happy life will help you be in state.

This means many things; Cross your T's and dot your I's, having your job and finances where you want them, being surrounded by supportive people that love and care for you, having a healthy dating life, getting proper exercise, nutrition, and sleep. Whatever is important to you, so you feel that your life is "right". Etc! This topic is huge and incredibly personal to the individual involved. You should really think hard about how your life is going for you and where you may need to make changes for the better. If you are happy with your life, it will show.

* Having a good time and starting the night off right.

This is often one of the reasons for development of the "warm up set" idea. However, its implications are much larger! Sure, talking to some people you don't care about to get socially lubed can help get you ready. But did you know just laughing and having a good time with friends prior to going out also helps? Humans are emotional beings, and music also influences us in many ways. Take some time and pay attention to the radio, your IPOD/mp3 or satellite radio. There may be songs you enjoy hearing, but there are special ones among them. You'll recognize them because they will lift your spirits, you may get a tingle down your spine, or feel like you can accomplish anything even lifting a car or saving the world. Compile a list of these songs, and listen to them before you go out, or go to a job interview, or surf that huge wave, or any time you need to be "on". We also watch videos that make us laugh, or super cool stuff we really love. Generally, we start off the night having a good time and that sets the direction and momentum of the night.

* Think positive

I would never tell you to ignore issues and tell yourself "everything is OK no matter what". That's the ignorance is bliss factor. What I mean is more a state of mind. Consider the differences between someone who fails, takes it personally, and beats themselves up. I'm pathetic, I'm a loser, I'll never get anywhere with her. That type of attitude won't take you far. Now consider someone who fails, but takes it as a learning experience or takes a problem-solving approach; "that didn't work, how about I try this instead next time?". Do you see, hear, and feel the difference?

So much in the community can be applied to other areas of your life then relationships with women. Your job, your relationships with your family and friends, and your general overall attitude towards life can all be influenced. It's funny how much of the movie the Matrix applies towards inner game. Wait a minute - am I saying I'm Neo? Can I see the Matrix?.. Only on Tuesdays, dork. I'll leave you with a Matrixesque quote:

"..But what do I SAY? Are you saying I can do this without routines???"
"When you're ready, you won't have to."

;)

Realizations... an introduction

Something many women don't realize is it's SO hard to meet a quality woman these days!

I'm not just talking about a woman you're physically attracted to. Let's face it, I live in Southern California. There's no end to the abundance of beautiful women running around. Winning the genetic lottery is not something to be revered for in my opinion. I'm talking about women with a great personality, depths, outlook on life AND has her shit together! One whose insides and very being match her outside!

Guys are REALLY interested in meeting a quality girl! So much so that they've developed an entire "community" and several systems dedicated to helping each other get better with women! Are these men with their funny ways losers? Or are they men that want to SUCCEED?

I dislike the phrase "pick up artist". I prefer to think of myself as a social guy trying to better myself. I just happen to enjoy going out there to have fun! But VH1's recent reality show "The Pick Up Artist" featured several guys who wanted to learn to meet a quality women so bad that they CRIED ON NATIONAL TELEVISION! Just think about that for a moment, ladies!

Most women say they want a man to "just be himself"* (more on that later, its a subject I believe strongly in!), but how did it end up when the last 10 approached you, introducing themselves and offering to buy you a drink? Maybe some were intriguing, but more often then not you don’t end up with them - right? What if 20 guys talk to you a night, that’s 20 people you have to “filter” through to find someone interesting! How is a guy going to show you he’s something special? Maybe first impressions really do count.

Thus, there are unspoken rules to meet quality women, generate attraction, and have chemistry. But what are they? You'll just have to read on, won't you..

Chupa Speaks will be my unedited brain dump. I will give you my unfiltered thoughts, influenced by my reality; which like life is ever-changing.

People in my life have said they've seen huge changes in me recently. I once wrote a special private blog elsewhere that carries my innermost thoughts on the subject. I won’t go into it now, but I'm at the happiest point in my life I've ever been. In the big picture, that is what counts the most. People chase wealth, possessions, land, ass, art, and knowledge for one simple binding universal reason: satisfaction. And what is more satisfying then being HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE? Hey Mikey, he likes it! Now you're getting it..

Without further adieu, let the games begin...